We want to wait a little while to tell the kids about this baby, but the girls are definitely noticing that something's up with me. I mean, I try to be discreet about the throwing up but sometimes they know. Because they follow me. Everywhere. And as I have so many food aversions lately I have been eating "weird" things that are raising questions. Chips and salsa sounded tolerable the other day so I picked up some tortilla chips while we were at the commissary. "Mom, why are you wasting your money on chips!?" Ava asked in dismay. We never buy chips and she knows there is no nutritional value so she totally called me out. "Umm, well, it just sounds really good today. It will be like a special treat!"
The next day I was eating said tortilla chips dipped in a greek yogurt + salsa + cheese mixture (come on, I tried to get some protein in). For lunch. And that was all. This was obviously not like the healthy lunches I had prepared for the kids at the table with me or anything like what I usually eat so again I got the questions "Why are you eating just chips for lunch?" I tried to explain that I just hadn't been feeling so good for a while so I needed to just eat things that sounded good for my tummy.
So they knew I had been throwing up here and there. They knew I was eating strangely. And then Ava said so matter-of-factly "I know what's wrong with you. You have cancer."
!?!?!?!? WHAT !?!?!?!?
Oh. My. Goodness. Girlfriend wasn't even freaking out. Just "You have cancer" with a hint of sadness. So I quickly went into reassuring mode. "Okay, I don't have cancer. I am totally fine. Remember I went to the doctor the other day? I got all checked out and I am totally good. My tummy's just gonna be feeling kind of yucky for a little bit. But I promise, you don't need to worry about me. I'm not going to feel yucky forever, just trust me that I'm fine and I'll feel better soon, and you'll know soon enough why all this is going on."
Thankfully Ava (and Raina) was satisfied with that explanation and let it go without worry. Then it hit me how incredibly thankful I am and should continue to be that that ISN'T the kind of news we're waiting to share with our kids, family, and friends. There really is a mom right now who's having to tell her brave kids that she actually does have cancer. Or that one of them has cancer. Or any number of other unpleasant things. Praise God for the good health we enjoy every day. Praise God for the safety he provides our family every day.
All that being said, there is something really special about our sweet Lil A. She has such deep, perceptive thoughts and such a strength about her. I can't wait to see how God will use her as she continues to learn and grow in Him.