Ava is strong-willed, challenging, sassy, back-talking, questioning, and pumped about being 5 years old now (super grown). Raina is sensitive, emotional, snuggly, tender, and excited about life at the sweet age of 2.5. Cade is an awesome, easy baby that eats and sleeps well at the age of (not quite) 4 months old but still needs everything done for him. He just mastered rolling from back to front but now seems to have forgotten how to roll from front to back and gets stuck screaming face down on the floor (while the dogs try to lick whatever spit-up may have escaped during his angry tummy time). A & Rae play great together but I have to keep a close eye to make sure A is not railroading Rae. All three of them require constant mental attention like thinking about, verbalizing, directing, and/or doing what they each need to do for us to leave the house ever. They all require physical assistance with so many things ("Will you wipe me please, Mom!?" or "Can I sit with you?" or "Will you hold my hand?" etc) All of these are necessary and/or wonderful special things but while I used to consider physical touch one of my primary love languages, now I want everyone to Get.Off.My.Body!
Every day is a constant juxtaposition of "I was made to be a mother! I love this and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world!" and "I can't wait for them all to be in bed and if anyone wakes me up in the middle of the night AGAIN, so help me!"
I found this blog to be funny and true in many ways. It is a little exaggerated at points but really captures the feelings that go with the daily grind. I have felt so weary with our 3 lately; not tired, but weary. To quote the blog writer, "There is no time when nobody needs anything. Ever."
There are so many things that I would like to do (crafting with the girls, working on reading with Ava, more floor time and face time with Cade, solidifying letters and numbers with Raina, more quality kid-free time with Richard, implementing more structure and intention in our business, having more meaningful conversations as a friend/sister/daughter/sponsor, etc… but by the time I deal with all those little things that start each morning and continue throughout the day, I feel like the day is already shot and maybe I can try again tomorrow. I don't believe this is completely reality and what I should settle for but it IS how I feel. (It's like what they say about lots of paperwork; death by a thousand paper cuts.) It's not that each thing is so particularly hard and trying, it's just that it's endless and I spend so much time putting out little fires that I lose sight of tackling the tasks and goals I intended to focus on. Do I need to seriously reevaluate my time management? Do I need to reevaluate what I think is important and needing to be done? Is this just the "season of life" that I'm in? I think the answer is YES.
So, for now my first plan of action is pray, pray, pray for wisdom and direction and to read the following two things upon waking each day:
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
***The 7 Decisions for Success (from The Traveler's Gift by Andy Andrews)
1. The buck stops here. I am responsible for my past and my future.
2. I will seek wisdom. I will be a servant to others.
3. I am a person of action. I seize this moment. I choose now.
4. I have a decided heart. My destiny is assured.
5. Today I will choose to be happy. I am the possessor of a grateful spirit.
6. I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. I will forgive myself.
7. I will persist without exception. I am a person of great faith.
If you haven't read The Traveler's Gift, I highly recommend it. It is an easy read (in story format) that I was able to finish a few minutes at a time before
passing out in exhaustion falling asleep each night.